I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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