First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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