he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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