i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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