She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
