Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
