this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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