I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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