the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
