I heard we made out
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
