could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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