It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
