My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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