We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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