Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
