you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize