just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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