Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
