it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just google imaged poop.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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