No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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