Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
