ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
