I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
