I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Randomize