Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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