he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
