Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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