it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
