i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
