she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
