So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
