Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
