Her vagina should come with caution tape.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You are a genius and a whore.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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