And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
