I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
