I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
