Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
