We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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