it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
