he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
