Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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