How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I believe in your delicious
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
