So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
