Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
