Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
