I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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