when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
