bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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