They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
