My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
