Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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