He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
