Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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