I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
